I’m writing this to come out as transgender.
I wanted to tell you this before other family members because you said that you accept transgender people a few months ago. I’m already ‘out’ to a few of my close friends, and others I spend a lot of time with, who I’m not related to.
I don’t want to make it a big deal, but at the same time I want to tell you how I knew, when I knew, what I want to do about it, etc.
I always had a bit of a feeling that I was different, even all the way back in y3. I was always a ‘tomboy’. I was friends with boys, which a lot of the girls refused to do at that age. But mainly, I hated ‘girly’ things. I hated anything that made me be perceived as a girl. Whether that was dresses, or she/her pronouns, I simply hated it.
When puberty hit, everything got a lot worse for me. I started feeling disconnected with my body. I no longer saw it as mine. That’s when I really realised that I wasn’t meant to be in this body. This all happened late y6/early y7. Early y8 was when I first heard of being transgender, and when I did, something just snapped in my head. It was like I’d found the missing puzzle piece. That was when I knew I was transgender formally.
It has taken me years to pluck up the courage to tell you. I was scared that you’d hate me, that you’d dismiss me, that it’d ruin our relationship. In all honesty, I still am scared. But I can’t hide it anymore. Hiding from everyone began to have really bad effects on my mental health, and I couldn’t explain to anyone why I was so sad and anxious for fear they’d tell everyone else.
That’s why I needed to tell you, and that’s why I want to go to the GP and get referred to Tavistock Leeds (a place that helps transgender kids under the age of 18). They teach kids how to deal with any transphobia/hate they experience, and work with parents as well, all in order to make the child happier. I want to be the most authentic version of myself, the happiest version of myself. And I want you to stay in my life and be a part of my transition, especially helping out with picking a new name from a shortlist I’ve made.
No matter what happens, I’ll always be me, your child. You are not losing me; you are simply seeing who I am meant to be. Who I am in my heart won’t change.
I love you to the moon and back xx
I’m giving it to her tomorrow. Wish me luck.